Vicious Traditions
by Addicted2Words17
Summary: Yes, we're demented. No, we don't care.
1. Chapter 1

**This is basically a test run to see how people like the beginning, not sure if I'm serious about it yet.**

**Prologue**

It wasn't supposed to go like this.

None of these people should be here, the police shouldn't be here, her aunt shouldn't be here.

She shouldn't be here, looking me in my eyes with a gun to her head begging to know how she ended up in this position. She shouldn't be crying her heart out like this.

I fucked up.

I shouldn't have done this to her, I should have let this go; I should have walked away when the opportunity presented itself.

Should of, could of, would of.

Doesn't change shit now because the love of my life is still standing on top of a building with a gun to her head wanting to die, asking me what's been done to her.

"_Please… please… just tell me what's wrong with me",_ her tear filled eyes bore into mine as she begs for answers.

I could tell her everything. I could tell her that I did this that I fucked with her mind for my own selfish reasons. I could tell her how even though I tried to delude myself into thinking differently everything I did… was for me. I could tell her how it's irreversible, but she can get past it. I could tell her how I deserve to be left, how she always had the right reasons for leaving me.

But I won't… because I'm still that selfish fuck and I'd rather have her die still mine then live without her.

"_I don't know Spence"_ , is all I say. So she closes her eyes and squeezes the trigger.

And I let her….


	2. Chapter 2

**Yes, I know, it's been forever. I'm really sorry about the wait. First there was the whole anniversary of my godmother's death which always gets me down this time of year because she was literally my favorite person ever. Then my mom got upset that I didn't want to talk about it and I had my little outburst of why couldn't she let things be. After that we decided to celebrate her birthday with tequila which resulted in my aunt explaining how two women can get married and have kids so what was I waiting on. I explained to her that I'm kind of like a theme park. I'm something that's fun for a short period of time. Which is always my warning for women. Speaking of which I've also had about four people tell me my ex is engaged now and asking how do I feel. **

**Well seeing as though I wasn't going to marry her, I figure someone had to. My best friend says I'll end up like Barney from How I Met Your Mother and then there was a rant about how now her and her boyfriend won't have anyone to sit on the porch with. **

**Anyway I no longer have internet, cable, or a phone so posting requires extra effort. Times are shitty lately and now facebook and letters are my only form of communication.**

**This story needed an update so here it is. It may not be what you expect though, but give it time.**

**Sorry if it sucks or has mistakes I had to do it in a rush.**

**Chapter One**

Let's start at the beginning.

Not because that's where you should start when telling a story, but because in the beginning we were happy. That's how it always goes though; the beginning of a relationship is always the best part.

I met Spencer Carlin when I was eight years old.

She was friends with my younger sister, they both were seven. They had become inseparable as soon as Spencer's family moved into the house next to mine. She had an older brother who was my age and I played with him. Me and my best friend Aiden initiated him into our duo, making us a trio.

We were regular three musketeers.

Glen was one of the best friends I could ever ask for next to Aiden. He always made sure to beat up any boys that said he had cooties because he hung out with me. He also beat up any boys that messed with his sister.

Now Spencer has always been beautiful.

She was a little blonde haired blue eyed angel. She always dressed nicely and she always smelled good. Which is a bonus when you're eight and used to playing around dirty boys.

There is a game that the boys on our block played. It didn't have a name, but the main object was to kiss Spencer without getting your ass kicked by Glen. This was a game played by the boys my age and they didn't know that her brother knew about this game.

"_Here comes one now", Glen whispers to me and Aiden. We watch as Derrick Miller leaves his group of friends with his hands in his pocket whistling. Spencer and Kyla are playing barbies in my driveway. Derrick looks towards us trying to be nonchalant as he comes up on the girls. Glen gets in position to take off. _

_I think he enjoys this more than anyone._

_He's always been a good brother, anyone can tell Spencer loves him and it's mutual. I sometimes wish that_ _Glen was my real brother. He says it's okay because him, me, and Aiden are blood brothers. We laughed when we remembered how Aiden cried because no one told him cutting our hands was involved._

"_I don't know Glen, Derrick is fast" The boy gets closer to Spencer and she looks up at him. I don't know if Spencer knows about this game, but she has become more careful when boys approach her._

"_Not fast enough" Glen says before taking off after the boy. Derrick quickly pecks Spencer's cheek, missing the true mark, and runs for his life. Glen catches him anyway and throws him to the ground. Pounding what my dad would say "the living shit out of him". Aiden and I smile at each other before running over to them. "Are you going to try to kiss my sister again?" Glen yells at the now crying boy._

"_No", he sobs. Glen hits him again and this time splits his lip. He moves away from him and poor Derrick Miller runs crying to his house. His friends laughing at his retreating form._

_The dangers of the kiss Spencer game._

"_That goes for the rest of you assholes", he yells. Aiden and I give Glen a shocked looked. "What? I heard my dad say it"_

"_Cool" Glen smiles at my response, in kid world saying any kind of bad word and getting away with it is very cool._

"_Glen! Get your butt in this house this instant"_

_Okay… almost getting away with it._

"_I'll see you guys tomorrow", Glen grumbles before heading into his house with his mother. I swear parents have a "what is my kid doing?" detector._

"_I have to go to Ash, my mom is making dinner and I have to head home"_

"_Dude, the streetlights aren't even on"_

"_I know, but she said I had to get home earlier than that" He socks my shoulder and starts running home. "I'll be at your house early tomorrow", he yells behind him. I kick at the ground with my shoes._

"_You can play with us Ashley", Spencer's voice is soft when she speaks._

"_Ashley's like a boy, she can't play with us" My sister sticks her tongue out at me and I return the gesture. _

"_I don't want to play dolls with you anyway"_

"_Boy… boy… Ashley's a boy", Kyla sings. I'm ready to pound her when Spencer speaks._

"_I don't care what Ashley is. I like her anyway" I blush at her words._

"_Ew Spencer" Kyla stands up and grabs Spencer's hand. "We don't like boys remember? Let's play inside" She drags Spencer inside, but the blonde's eyes are on me the whole time. When they leave I pull all the heads off of Kyla's dolls._

I later got put on punishment, which in my case was special. My dad would have me spread my legs with my arms on the back of my head. I had to do this against a wall for ten minutes. My dad always told me his dad did it to him and he turned out great. He ended up being a big music producer.

Kyla would always laugh when this happened and I would pray that my parents would finally confess she wasn't my real sister. If Spencer was over she would sneak me fruit snacks, putting them in my mouth for me when my parents weren't looking.

I think I knew at that age that I wanted to be with her. I think I knew when I was twelve and Derrick Miller finally succeeded at the kiss Spencer game.

"_Glen, look" Glen throws the football to me and looks towards his sister where Aiden is pointing. We all look as Derrick Miller, now a lot bigger and bolder apparently, marches up to Kyla and Spencer. They are eating popsicles they got from the ice cream truck. "So much for Ashley marrying Spencer" Aiden snickers and I see Glen try to hold in a smile. It has been a run on joke in our group to make fun of me and Spencer. When we were nine I asked Glen for his blessing to marry her, he busted up laughing before saying sure._

_He said he would rather it be me, that way we could be real siblings._

"_What is he doing?" Glen's face bunches in confusion. Derrick reaches Spencer and looks at Glen before kissing Spencer's lips. She pushes him off quickly and Glen races towards him._

_I beat Glen to it._

_I push Derrick into the street, but he gets up quickly._

"_I win", he yells. That's when I knock him in his face, just like Glen taught me. "My nose" We all watch in amazement as crimson liquid flows from his nose. _

"_Fuck Ashley, you're in trouble" I send Aiden a glare and he shuts up. I storm up to Spencer who is wiping her mouth in horror._

"_Look here Carlin, nobody kisses you, but me. We are getting married and my dad says marriage means you can't be sticking your hands in the cookie jar. Whatever that means"_

"_But I like cookies" Spencer's face mirrors that of Glen's earlier._

"_No cookies" I point at her with a firm face. "You are my future wife so get it together"_

"_And who says I want to marry you Ashley Davies?" She places her hands on her hips and my sister stands behind her with the same look._

"_Me and Glen! And Aiden! And… and… and… jesus damn it"_

"_Ashley Davies did I just hear what I think I just heard?" My mom is standing at my front door. I told you parents have radar for this stuff. _

"_Ooooooooo" Aiden and Glen say as I walk away._

"_Assume the position", my dad says from the couch when I walk in._

_Fucking Derrick Miller._

It spread through out the neighborhood that Spencer was mine. Since Aiden and Glen were the most feared on our block everybody accepted this. Our neighborhood isn't huge so it spreads quickly.

That was our last year together, as the musketeers. Later that year Spencer's mom and Glen were driving home from the grocery store when a semi truck smashed into them.

I've never been so heartbroken in my life.

I remember when the police came. Spencer was playing with Kyla upstairs while Aiden and I were playing Mario Kart, waiting on Glen. The knock was firm on the door and my mother answered it.

"_Is there a Spencer Carlin here?" A man in a police uniform is at the door and I pause the video game._

"_Hey Ash, I was winning"_

"_Shut up Aiden" I get up and Aiden follows me to the door._

"… _it hit the car, causing it to tumble over… there were no survivors", he continues. I stare at my mother and there are tears in her eyes. Spencer and Kyla run downstairs, laughing about something they heard on TV. Aiden looks at me and then looks at Spencer. The police officer gives her a sad smile and leaves. My mother is crying and she turns to Spencer who tilts her head in confusion. _

"_Spencer… honey…" That's when I realize that something has happened. _

_Something has happened to Glen…_

_To Miss Carlin…_

"_You mother and your brother were in an accident" Aiden must know now too because there are tears streaking down his face. I shift my attention to Spencer who is now breathing rapidly. Kyla is crying softly behind her._

"_Are they okay?" And for some reason Spencer is looking at me when she asks this question. Her eyes stay trained on mine and I can't breathe._

_Because even though my mom hasn't said it my best friend is dead…_

_There will be no more musketeers or blood brothers and I know this. I know this, but still all I can do is just stare at Spencer._

"_No honey… they didn't make it" As soon as the words leave my mother's mouth Spencer is out the door. I run after her and follow her into her house._

"_Mom!" She yells. "Glen" She's crying harder now and once again I'm just an observer. "Glen this isn't funny, answer me damn it" It's the first time Spencer's ever cursed and I jump at the harshness. "Ashley" She turns to face me._

"_Spence…they aren't here" I choke on the words because part of me was hoping that Glen was here. "They aren't coming back Spence"_

_And that's all it takes for her to crumble on the floor in tears._

_I walk over to her and hold her. I hold her like my dad held me when I fell out of the tree trying to get my football. _

"_It's okay Spencer… I'll take care of you"_

Miss Carlin's little sister moved into the house a couple of days later. She was in her early twenties at the time, but it was in the will so she stuck by it. I don't think Paula planned on dying this early.

God… the funeral sucked.

Glen was in this stuffy box and he didn't even look like himself. Spencer didn't go to the casket, she just stayed with Kyla. My sister kept whispering things into her ear, but Spencer kept looking at me.

That day… after the funeral… when Aiden and I were just tossing the football back and forth, Spencer walked up to us. She had her hands folded and I remember this because Spencer never did that before.

She spoke softly.

"_It wouldn't completely suck being married to you"_

That was all she said, then she went back inside. Aiden just looked at me, nudging his head towards Spencer's fleeting figure. I shrugged my shoulders, but kept watching her.

After that day it was confirmed once again.

That Spencer was mine and mine alone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Two**

"I fucking hate you, get away from me"

"You're being dramatic over nothing"

"Over nothing? You've been fucking cheating on me!" Spencer yells loud enough for the neighbors to hear.

The sad thing is that this is normal for us. Somewhere along the way in our relationship it just became a sick game of trying to mindfuck each other. We fight almost everyday, but yet neither of us leave. That's the problem with being in a long term relationship that's unhealthy.

Eventually there is no leaving, you're stuck.

"How the fuck is that any different from you Spence!"

"I fucking flirt Ashley, I don't fucking go home with anything that has two legs" She storms out of our bedroom into the hallway and I follow closely behind her. "You fucking make me sick" I grab her and turn her around forcing her against the wall. "I fucking hate you", she whispers with tears in her eyes.

And I wonder what happened to that little girl I grew up with.

"Its mutual baby", I sneer. I watch as her pain turns into anger and she slaps me. My face stings from contact and I grab her and shove her again against the wall.

Would you believe me if I told you I love her more than anything in this world?

She shoves me back and I hit the wall on the opposite side.

Would you believe me if I told you she loves me just as much?

She storms into the living room and picks up a magazine. I'm right behind her and I snatch the magazine out of her hand. I know what the article says; I know what the pictures look like.

"What Ashley? Are you fucking ashamed all of a sudden?" She reaches for it and I rip the magazine in half.

"Fuck the article, I'm telling you to believe me" She folds her arms and just stares at me. "If anything they should write about how the "Precious Spencer" is screwing around behind my back with my best friend"

"Damn it Ashley. Me and Aiden are just friends!"

"In that case the bitch in the picture is just my friend"

"I fucking regret the day I met you!" Her face is turning red, but I doubt she is anywhere near my level. I push her and she stumbles back a little.

"Fucking take that shit back", I growl.

"Why?" She smirks, knowing that she's hit a soft spot. "It's true"

And now the fuse has been lit.

I go over to our living room table and use all of my strength to turn it over. Everything on it crashes to the ground. I walk over to TV and kick it causing it to fall over. Spencer watches my tantrum with that same smirk. I march over to her and grab both of her shoulders. She doesn't tense up; she did the first time this happened.

Somewhere along the way she got used to it.

Somewhere along the way I started thinking it was okay.

"Are you gonna hit me now?"

"Don't tempt me"

"I don't think we should see each other anymore" She's said this before, she says this every time.

"You and me babe… we're meant for each other"

She sighs because she knows this. She sighs because we both know that no one else could handle either of us. Normal people would be done after the first few fights.

"I'm serious. This can't work anymore Ash; I want to be like Chelsea and Sean. I want to be like your mom and dad. I want to be anything, but Spencer and Ashley" I know she means this so I do the only thing I can do.

I kiss her.

It takes her a minute to respond, but she does. She traces my bottom lip with her tongue and I open my mouth to allow her entrance. We bite and suck and our moans mix together causing me to be even more turned on. She wraps her arms around my neck and I reach behind her thighs to lift her up. She wraps her legs around me as I carry her to the couch. I set her down and lie on top of her, our lips never leaving each other.

"Fuck Ash", she mumbles against my lips. She slips her thigh in between my legs.

"Mine", I murmur before biting her lip hard. She thrust herself on my thigh and I grab her hands placing them above her head.

This is what we're good at.

Soon our clothes are removed and I place two fingers into Spencer's wet folds. Her breath hitches as I kiss my way down to her nipples. I run my tongue over one, flicking it lightly.

"Please…Ash…" she breathes. I remove my lips and stare into her eyes.

"Do you still hate me?"

"Yes", she moans. I still the motions of my fingers and watch her expectantly. "But I love you more than I hate you"

"Same here" I thrust my fingers into her.

/

"Why do we keep doing this to each other?" Spencer asks when we're finished. She's maneuvered herself into my arms. "Why do you keep hurting me?"

"Because I can", I answer honestly. "And you don't leave because you can't"

She doesn't say anything. We lie in the same position until Spencer's phone rings across the room. She gets up, not bothering with clothes, and answers it.

"Hey Christine…we're fine…" She looks at me and I know my mother saw the article. "It was just a misunderstanding…we'll be there in a little bit…love you too" She hangs up the phone and walks towards our room. "We're going to your parents' house tonight"

My family loves Spencer as if she was their own. I swear they have already called the wedding planner. For the record they know about how our relationship works. They have been there for a good portion of our fights, but they love Spencer too much to tell us to end it.

An hour later Spencer and I are sitting in my car driving to my parents' house. We have haven't said one thing to each other, we never do after a huge fight. The radio is off purely because I know Spencer likes to ride in silence. She is pulling at the end of her long sleeve shirt.

"You left bruises", she voices softly.

"You hit me" She chuckles to herself and shakes her head.

"Do you remember when we were happy?"

She's really asking if I remember when we never laid hands on each other.

"No", I state calmly.

"Me either" She sinks into the passenger seat and curls up slightly. I watch her out of the corner of my eye. My vision must be off because I swear I see a tear make its way down her face.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Three**

"What happened to your wrists Dear?" My mother addresses Spencer at the dinner table. Spencer's sleeves have slid up enough for anyone who has been looking at Spencer to see.

"Magical fairies did it", I answer for her. I can see Spencer smirking out of the corner of my eye.

Yes, we're demented. No, we don't care.

"Wrestling with Ashley", Spencer corrects.

"You girls should be more gentle", my mother says before continuing to eat. I feel my father's eyes burning a hole into my face. I wish I didn't sit so close to him.

"Ashley, can I see you in my office?" I don't look at him when he addresses me.

"No", I respond simply.

"It wasn't a question" He throws his napkin on the table and walks away.

"Sounded like one to me" I get up myself and Spencer doesn't look up from her food. I follow him into the bedroom he transformed into a study. As soon as I walk inside he slams the door shut.

"First the pictures, now the bruises. You aren't making it easy for me to cover up your tracks"

"Leave them" I shrug my shoulders. He storms over to me and forces me in one of his chairs. He goes behind his desk and pulls out a stack of magazines. I roll my eyes as he brings them over and drops them in my lap.

"Two fucking year's worth of your mistakes Ashley"

"It's a good thing they caught me in my calm years right Pops?" He shakes his head and goes back to the chair behind his desk. He sits down and runs his hands through his grey hair.

"I love Spencer like a daughter"

"I'm aware"

"Then why the fuck would you keep messing this up? One day you are going to fuck up and she isn't going to come back. One day she'll figure out how love is supposed to be and she'll leave your fucked up ass"

"She's not going anywhere" It's not a threat, it's a fact. She hasn't left so far. "Don't worry, you'll get your wedding" I stand up, dropping all the magazines on the floor.

"Get it together Ashley… before it's too late"

I walk back to the dining room where Spencer and my mother are talking. I sit back down in my seat and my mother smiles when Spencer places her hand on mine. We have our moments, the moments when we're not fighting. The moments when we pass for a healthy couple.

/

_Today is Spencer's twelfth birthday, a happy day for anyone who doesn't know any better. Anyone who doesn't know that this is Spencer's first birthday without her family. Her Aunt Rachel planned this big surprise party for her. Almost every kid from the block is here and we are all hiding in her house. Kyla has been keeping Spencer at our house all day and it's finally time for the party._

"_Here she comes", Aunt Rachel whispers. Aiden and I squeeze behind the couch with a couple of other kids. The door opens and we all jump up yelling "Surprise". Spencer looks around shocked and gives us all a small smile._

_It's the fakest smile I've ever seen. _

_She hugs Kyla who is saying how she tricked her. Aunt Rachel walks over and envelops Spencer in a huge hug. The music plays and the party starts._

_An hour into the party Spencer is nowhere to be seen. I don't think anyone else notices, everyone is too caught up in having fun. Even Aiden, he's talking to a group of girls who are giggling madly. I walk upstairs and head into Spencer's room. I open the door to her room, but she's not in here. I look around at all the posters on her walls. There are a bunch of boy bands that I've seen in Kyla's room. There is one poster that stands out, a poster that doesn't belong in this room. It's a poster of the band Green Day, the one that once hung in a different Carlin's room. _

"_This is Glen's", I whisper as I drag my fingers across it. As if somehow this will connect me to him. _

"_I took it from his room" I hear Spencer's voice, but when I turn around she is nowhere to be seen. "Under the bed" I squat down and there she is lying flat on her back. I crawl over to the bed and get underneath it with her. I've never really been in Spencer's room much before so I had no idea she had this much space under here. "I just needed something to remember him by…" Her voice cracks. "I miss them so much"_

"_I know Spence" We blindly reach for each other's hands. We lace our fingers and squeeze tightly. "I miss them too" Spencer scoots closer to me and lays her head on my shoulder. _

"_Tell me something that no one else knows"_

"_Some nights I stare at Glen's window all night" Glen's room has always been across from mine. We had walkies and most nights we would stay up all night talking. "I still wait for him to come back" Glen's room still looks exactly the same, mostly due to the fact that Aunt Rachel kept the room locked. Sometimes I'll hold the walkie all night waiting on him._

"_Sometimes I wish I was in the car with them", she admits quietly. I turn my head as much as space allows. _

"_I don't"_

_/_

_I'm lying in my bed wide awake. _

_Its eleven o clock and all of the lights are out. Sleep never comes easy these days. After my talk about Glen with Spencer he's stayed on my mind. I've never had anyone close to me die before. I never thought anyone could die at my age. _

"_Death should come when you're old", I say to no one._

"_**Ashley…" **__A crackling noise is coming from my nightstand where I keep my walkie. I leap at it and press the talk button._

"_Glen?" _

"_**It's Spencer…"**__ There is a long pause. __**"I want to see you" **__I sit up; my window is directly behind my bed. Spencer is in Glen's window clutching his walkie._

"_You're in his room"_

"_**I stole the key while Aunt Rachel was sleeping"**_

"_Is it still the same?" Spencer doesn't verbally answer. She just nods her head. I swallow the lump in my throat. "What does it smell like?" For a second I worry that Spencer may think I'm a weirdo._

"_**Like him" **__Another long pause. __**"There are clothes on the floor and his bed isn't made"**_

"_Glen never made his bed" It's one of the reasons he was always being yelled at. _

"_**For once I'm glad he didn't. This way his room is still him"**_

"_Not all fake and clean" Spencer disappears from my line of sight. "Spence…Spence…Spencer where are you?" She reappears wearing one of Glen's jerseys. _

"_**I feel like today shouldn't count. That I shouldn't have a birthday yet… it feels too soon"**_

"_You can't exactly control that"_

"_**I wasn't ready…" **__I can tell she's crying now. __**"I'm not ready for birthdays or holidays…" **__She's crying harder now. She buries her head into her hands. __**"I'm not ready Ashley…" **__She's breaking my heart slowly. I never want to see Spencer cry… I never want her to hurt. _

"_I'll be around. Every birthday and holiday… every day that comes I'll be with you" She lifts her head up. I press my hand to the glass of my window and she does the same. "I'm not going anywhere. I told you I'm going to marry you" There is sniffling on her end._

"_**Tell me something that's true" **__She lays down on his bed so I can no longer see her._

"_I love you like you're apart of me" And I don't know where these words are coming from, but I know I mean them. I know that I would do anything for the girl next door. _

_She presses the button, but it's silent on her end. _

_She doesn't let go of the talk button. I lie down in bed and listen to the sound of her breathing. Glen would do that sometimes; fall asleep with his finger on the button. Eventually her breathing evens out and I know she's asleep. I turn the sound up louder and drift off to sleep. I figure that, like Glen, she would let go of the button in her sleep._

_She never did._


End file.
